"Growing pains are inevitable when we step our of our comfort zones. We encounter versions of ourselves that we'd rather keep quiet" (Blue Star Bound, p. 69).

Have you ever worked really hard to eliminate an ugly aspect of your personality only to find it sneaking back into your repertoire of behaviors?

I thought I would never let this hideous character flaw back into my life. But here I am, in 2026, dealing with it again. 

And a few days ago, I found myself in a mental spin, pouting that I couldn't change. Where did that fixed mindset come from? I changed before, and I can do it again!  I wrote about doing so in my memoir, Blue Star Bound. 

In my first year of business in Liberia, Costa Rica, about fifteen years ago, I recognized the need to put the brakes on my hot-blooded temper. I had a disrespectful habit of letting my unfiltered tongue say its piece, without care for how rude and immature I was being. Letting the dark side of my fiery redheaded nature out to play was not cute or professional. I was a foreigner in that small town. I was also a female entrepreneur.  

In other words, plenty of eyes were observing me. My behavior mattered. Like, a lot.

While I never became as polished as I would have liked, I did achieve a reasonable level of businesslike behavior in the twelve years that I operated the school. When I sold it and moved back to California four years ago, I continued my calm and collected air as a public school teacher. After all, losing my cool with adolescent students wasn't only costly for earning their respect, but for staying employed.

In my personal life, however, I've let things slide a bit. I have let my guard down with my romantic partner, especially when I am exhausted. 

And I have been wiped out a lot during these past two weeks at the start of a new school year. My students are all amazing, and my days are filled with laughter and warm human connection. But when I come home, my bandwidth is gone. My battery is in the red.

This is no excuse, however, to mistreat the one I love. To be short and irritable, even mean or dismissive. It makes him feel like I don't care, and I'm not nurturing a healthy relationship like I want to.

I have decided to go back to therapy to work on myself again. I need to sharpen my tools of processing uncomfortable and negative emotions. My strategy of either holding them tightly inside or letting them explode is not serving me well. When those feelings come over me, I want to know how to navigate them, not gag them down or vomit them out. 

And I know that I can do this. So what if it's painful to grow? We all know the saying, "no pain, no gain." Growing is also brave and beautiful and the best thing to do when living a reflective life.